Field Notes

Working with Difficult Behaviors

January 21, 2017 - 0 Comments

The most crude approach in terms of working with behaviour is to try and change it immediately, to get rid of it, to conquer it, and/or to critique oneself for not getting rid of it, or changing it. The more subtle approach is to note that the behaviour has control over us and takes charge of us. Further realizing that the behavior points to a powerful sub-identity that has grown out of early experiences that become lodged in the unconscious. The sub-identity has control of the part of you that is trying to grow. However, the sub-identity has no choice to continually repeat the patterned reaction over and over and over. The more subtle approach is to reflect on our own experience, and our own process in response or reaction to the behavior. Here, I distinguish between reaction and response. Reaction is like a reflex that is not in our control. Response refers to what is actually responsive to the situation and the context, and over which you have a certain degree and range of control over how you can and may respond. From the latter perspective, you explore what sense and understanding you can derive from your unwanted behavioural patterns. By witnessing your inner experiences and reflecting upon them you can find out more about your own inner process, who you are, your inner healing process, and increasing access to your personal and professional potentials. Discovering who we have become to date, and what the intention of the existing pattern has been, is a significant and central part of the process. The original intention based from a survival orientation invariably makes sense at the time it is unconsciously developed, and that still has usefulness but only at times. What can transform is the automaticity of the behavioral, feeling, thinking process. The transformation allows liberation and choice about what actually fits with respect to the intention and how it is best applied in the actual circumstance that exists, including the context, and knowing what really matters. For this reason, focusing on getting rid of the unwanted behaviour robs you of very valuable learning concerning how you are put together (your own formation) and further opportunities to working with what you discover about your unconscious patterns and structures.

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